… is a desire to stop drinking.”
I was so happy to read this. What a weight taken off of my shoulders. Just a desire?? I can do that. I did that and have been doing that one day at a time since January 17, 2009.
I follow a simply program that has a solid structure. I don’t pick up. Sounds simple but it is a daily requirement. I have to remind myself every morning that “Today I won’t pick up” just for today. I admit that I don’t attend meetings like I should, I’ve been bad about that over the past 6 months. I have a solid structure in place at home, my home is dry and I associate with individuals that don’t drink. I don’t go to clubs or bars and I don’t associate with individuals that I used with. I know this isn’t enough. For me, I have to have the structure of a recovery community.
I am lucky, I have a family and an occupation that understands my need to place recovery above all else. If I don’t stay sober I will lose everything. The place where I live, the respect of people I care about, my business and most importantly my life. If I use I will die, it is just that simple.
When I started this blog this evening I had no idea what I wanted to do with it. I still don’t know what I want to do with it. I compare this to going into a book store and looking at the addiction and recovery section. I do this with every book store I enter. I have no idea what title I am looking for or what enlightenment I am hoping to achieve through finding “the” book that will make everything make sense. I realized that I already have it, for me it’s the Big Book.
No, I am not going to get preachy about AA. I admit that I adhere to the principles set down in the Big Book and that they have worked for me, but everyone is different. As human beings that suffer with disease (and in my mind it is a disease) there may not be one single method that will work. For me, I wish there was a “cure”, but for me there isn’t a simple cure. I had to completely change my lifestyle and I work daily to control the trickster that is in my brain.
This trickster likes to tell me that I have it all under control, that I have been sober enough to live without talking to other addicts and working a program of recovery. My trickster lies. What does your trickster tell you?