There isn’t a week that passes where I don’t hear the word ‘demon’ in regards to someones battle with addiction. Do the following phrases sound familiar?
‘I have to be stronger than this demon’
‘One of these days I will beat this demon’
‘Once I am free from this demon, my life will be perfect’
Did you notice that the word demon and whatever the drug of choice are interchangeable. Wouldn’t the ‘battle’ of recovery be so much easier if we could conquer this ‘demon’? Unfortunately, recovery is not a battle…. it’s a journey. If I thought that I could ‘win’, ‘beat’ or ‘conquer’ my demon… my battle would have been lost before the very first fight. Journey…. not a battle.
The other element that we have to remember is that our addiction is within us, it is a part of us. It is not an separate entity that we can rid ourselves of, it just doesn’t work that way.
If I thought of my addiction as something outside of myself, I would never be able to surrender. My surrender didn’t occur just once, it occurs every single day. I admit that I am powerless.. and this is what continues to give me another 24. My addiction is not a ‘demon’. It is not something that is evil or supernatural or even outside of myself. My addiction is within me, it is a part of me. I cannot try to kill this aspect of me, that would be like trying to kill off the part of my DNA that makes my blood type B+.
My addiction is genetic, it is biological, it is an allergy and the only way I can live with this allergy is to be vigilant, pro-active and aware. I also have to have acceptance.
Every morning I have to accept the fact that I am an alcoholic. I am not evil, I am not a demon and a demon does not exist within me nor is a demon trying to run amok in my life. There is no exterior entity that is hell bent on my destruction. The allergy within me can only kill me if I don’t remain humble, accepting and most of all… aware. I surrender… to my Higher Power. I admit that I am powerless of alcohol. I am granted a 24 hour reprieve. Simplistic… yes. Simple… no.
It would be so much easier to think that I was battling a dark force that wanted my soul. The truth is that I have to accept that part of me is flawed. Part of me is human. Above all…. I have free will. The choice of that first drink will always belong to me. That is the only control that I have. For that… I am grateful.
Filed under: Addiction Recovery, women in recovery Tagged: 12 Step, AA, addict, addiction, addiction tips, alcohol, alcohol addiction, alcoholism, gratitude, recovery, sober, sobriety, women addicts, women in recovery
Source: Woman In Recovery